divinely appointed

Times....

2011-10-25T06:29:00.002-06:00

I guess its been awhile since I've posted and reading my last post I can't believe I felt so much anticipated pressure resulting in some kind of resolution to the whole pastoral issue. Its a few days shy of November and NOTHING is different, imagine that.
A few days ago I had to do a lot of soul/life searching. Desperate for change I made a move. We are moving...in effort to change the circumstances and relationships I deal with I am physically removing myself. All the codependent entanglements will unravel and soon I hope to feel quite a bit of liberty. As always I am still unsure of what my move will be with my church attendance. Its imperative that I make the correct move.

2011-07-25T14:03:00.004-06:00

These next few weeks bring an onslaught of change to our household again. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety and pressure. Maybe if there wasn't a bunch happening all at once I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.
Things that have been resolved that have certainly lightened the load are my settlement with my car and therefore a new car. I finally filed for a divorce and I'm just waiting for those loose ends to be tied up.
But unfortunately I am still waiting and waiting for some kind of resolution with pastorial authority in my life. And to be honest these next few moments scare me to death, I think that a big reveal is about to happen and I'm not sure if, after all this time, can I handle the outcome.
My confidence in pastorial authority has been wounded. I'd like to say that isn't the case but after almost 3 years now my issue still hasn't been resolved. I'm not going to take myself out from under the leadership of Apostolic Authority so my options are limited and my life is subject to this safety harness that is potentially stealing my life away. Such a contradiction it is...It's getting hard to breathe

2011-07-17T23:18:00.002-06:00

There is a strange level of comfort in the recognition that its ok to be weak because in the light of God’s grace for me His strength is made perfect through that weakness. I’ve prayed countless times that God would give me a new heart, a new set of thoughts, a completely different way of acting. But much to my dismay it hasn’t happened. I have almost felt cheated and hopeless because my prayers haven’t been answered, because my thoughts haven’t been transformed into righteous pure thoughts. My flesh and the enemy mock my sincerity by calling me not sincere at all because if I was then I would be different. I almost believe them…except I remembered Paul.
Paul had a thorn in his flesh, something that he asked God to remove over and over. But God told him no. I’ve heard preachers speculate that it was a physical infirmity but I would like to think it was a mindset or perhaps a behavior he fell to despite his best efforts and his intentions not to. God told him my grace, its sufficient for you and your weakness, well that’s where my strength is made perfect so deal with living with this.
Its so hard to except that God calls us friend, son, daughter, or child when our fleshly acts can be so contrary to His holiness. When I hold up my right acts to his righteousness they are nothing but filthy rags but so often I act as if those actions entitle me to some special audience with the Lord when Jesus himself told us the story about the two men who came into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a publican. The Pharisee proudly went down the list of why he was better than publican boastfully reminding God of his righteous acts. But the publican recognized his need for mercy and for grace, he knew he was weak and undeserving of God’s attention but God justified him anyway.
As soon as I really come to terms with “its not what I do that earns me salvation but what he did to give me salvation” the sooner I can let go of these possibly unrealistic expectations of God removing this thorn from me and I can just live in the knowledge that his grace will see me through and that whatever state I’m in I should contently forget about the past, reach for the future and press towards the mark to become that which he has called me to be.

2011-07-14T13:59:00.002-06:00

I often equate the loose ends in my life that need to be dealt with to the luggage on my floor or the mess in my closet. Monday morning I woke up to my luggage on my floor and completely overwhelmed from the night before with the constant nagging reminder that there are still so many issues in my life that are yet to be resolved. Things that I keep putting off and others that I have no control over. So halfway through mid-morning I made a decision, a real decision. Not like the ones I wake up with every other day and passionately nurture for a few hours and the shelf. This time I left work got into my car and did what I've challenged myself to do for several months now.
I was very nervous. I thought I would find this sense of relief, some kind of reprieve from the constant pressure that surrounds me. After signing all the paperwork and then giving it Will I felt nothing. Null of feelings other than the recognition that I just made a giant powerful move, another life altering turn was just made.
Today I feel good about it. I feel hope that I can be a good parent and work with Will on getting the kids raised healthy and wholly. But ultimately I fear that I'll be alone cuddled on a couch with two yorkies.

2011-07-06T10:43:00.002-06:00

I haven’t had much to say because inner reflective, analytical Davina has been shelved. Sometimes she wears me out, always trying to figure out why things are the way they are and such. She gets me all tied up in knots and frankly I just need a break.
My level of expectation in life has changed too. I’ve endured a lot of heart ache and pain. My heart as been deconstructed and reconstructed enough now that I don’t recognize it as my own. I pray that it’s somewhere in the process of becoming a heart towards God’s.
The sharpness of life’s edges have also been dulled down or perhaps my armor against it’s cuts is tough enough now that I’m not as easily pushed over.
One thing I do recognize though is I am filled with emptiness in three areas of my life. The first an emptiness of recognition from the pastoral authority of my life that will empower me to alleviate the second emptiness of ministry within the church. The third, well love…the emptiness of the expectation of being truly in love with someone who loves me back to the same degree if not greater.
How do I deal with these things? Well I just keep my eyes and head down and try my best. I substitute my time with activities outside the church walls and support/volunteer for other causes. And lastly I ignore the dull ache in my heart for companionship.
What I do know is that I’m not selling myself short of what I truly want or need. Ultimately if that means I am alone for an extensive amount of time so be it. The thought of aloneness terrifies me I’ll admit but to settle for something convenient and not be happy or complete isn’t the answer either.
All in all I am a woman rebuilding herself…

January 2011

2011-06-13T21:35:00.001-06:00

I’ve been chewing on a thought I’ve recently heard in a movie. “You have to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes”. I usually don’t grab my tidbits of inspiration from movies or books, I try and stick to absorbing life changes and behavioral changes through the word of God but wisdom seems to be flowing from one movie/book in particular to me.
Eat, Pray, Love…I can hear the collective sigh as many of you shake your head in disagreement over my movie choices, especially considering the spiritual exploration of the character Liz. Despite her erratic spiritual journey and the misdirection she embraces, her life somewhat echoes mine. She is in the midst of life changing circumstances (brought on by her own decision) that take her down a road of finding out who she is. She unlike me has the money, the time, and the liberty to travel the world as she figures out life.
There are so many thoughts and I quotes I have pulled from this story, I hate that I can relate to such brokenness and helplessness but I am coming to terms with I am a woman whose heart and trust has been broken on many levels. And I too have been an active participant in many of my life’s choices as it was running away from my control. I too have given my heart recklessly, without consideration of the implications and price I would have to pay for my carelessness. Before I go much further, I’d like to mention another word I’ve been chewing on. This one I have continuously been writing on my forearm as a reminder, I know what you’re thinking…writing on yourself? Yea, apparently I need help remembering because I can’t seem to get it right. “Keep thy heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23. That’s an insanely powerful Word. I’ve given my heart away with reckless abandonment and I have found to be left empty handed and broken.
Back to my original thought…selecting my thoughts the way I select my clothes. Every night, probably every single solitary night that I can remember, the very last thought in my head is “what am I going to wear tomorrow” (shallow I know) but I use this thought as a diffuser for every other one floating around in my head. If I can get my mind to focus on one thing and make a realistic decision on it I often find it helps ease me into sleep. My closet is color organized and I know specifically each article of clothing I own, where I got it, how much I paid for it and what I still need to buy to complete my wardrobe. I know what I wore last Friday and I know what I wore last Tuesday. (Maybe this is the reason I’m writing scripture on my arm. My head is filled with this useless junk)
If I began to select my thoughts the way I select my clothes and put the same consideration into what thoughts I buy into as I do the clothing, I might find that keeping my heart diligently will become a lot easier. This may seem elementary to some but its profoundly impacting me. I’ve had a wardrobe full of clothes for quantity purposes and I have found that in my haste I’ve made some poor choices that at the moment seem to have been good. I’ve purchased poorly and paid for it later.
If I can select my thoughts the way I select my clothes, today my thoughts would say “signature pieces”. I own all the staples, the fundamentals of a good wardrobe. I know all the doctrine and I’ve been practicing it for several years already. With years comes wisdom, I no longer look for quantity in clothes or experiences in life but I look for quality and I don’t mind spending a little more to get it. But one thing I find is that with “quality thinking and purchasing” the choices get tougher and the prices heftier.
Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought… Every 6 months or so I clean out my closet. I get rid of the out dated and the “it doesn’t fit” clothes. But what I don’t do is get rid of the thoughts that have been lurking in my head. Thoughts that I have grown accustom to keeping around because they are comfortable and worn in. Thoughts that control me and identify me. If I don’t do that with my clothes, something so trivial why do I allow myself to do it with my thoughts, when it’s so imperative to renew our hearts and minds. Dare I say I take into consideration what I wear and how I present myself more often than the issues of my heart and mind?
I’ve recently made some dumb purchases I regret. I bought a pair of shoes from Target that when I walk they squeak and another pair of trendy shoes that I’ve worn maybe 4 times and now have no use for. Well, I’ve also made some really bad decisions, life choices that I regret too. And just like the shoes I still haven’t been able to give them up. I entertain the thoughts just like my closet holds those shoes. Which makes no sense because logically I know I only buy brand name 10 hour a day shoes and if they fall short they immediately go back to the store. And spiritually it makes no sense because what Apostolic in her right mind would entertain thoughts that go against every fundamental belief she’s believed and would put at risk the ultimate goal of heaven.
Signature pieces, my last several purchases have been very deliberate. Since I own everything why do I need to own more of the same? So I am working on investing into things that will enhance the fundamental foundation pieces I own. I’ve stopped buying any ol’ thing and I’ve stopped being allured into “it was on sale”. So if I start selecting my thoughts the way I do my clothing, I need to stop being allured into buying into the cheap thoughts I’ll regret later and strive to look for signature thoughts that will help build me into the woman I am to become…

close out to 2010

2010-12-07T23:55:00.005-07:00

For several years on end now I have penned my thoughts on the year that is coming to a close and speculated on the year that is to come. In all fairness I was quite gentle on myself at the beginning of 2010. Two thousand and nine and been a rough year on me. One that shook the very foundations of the faith I’ve built my life on. I said something to the effect that my core values, morals, faith and identity had been brought to question and I only hoped to find some semblance of normalcy again. Four days into this new year of mine I felt broken and defeated by my decision making and I looked to God to help me pick up the pieces to the life I made a mess of. Little did I know my world was about to be turned upside down and this broken down faith of mine would have to work to keep us afloat.
Nine days into the new year my family suffered a severe blow. In one writing I described it as a house that was plowed down and left in an unrecognizable heap of debris and we were left to shuffle through the remains and dig until we hit the foundation. Knowing, that if the foundation of the house was still intact the house could be rebuilt. In my weakest form God took me through the toughest storm and asked me to stand and he worked on me. Last year God really became my salvation. My Savior, my redeemer and Calvary became alive for me. I was, I am a sinner saved by grace and I’m not so sure I really understood what it meant to need a Savior up until 2009. In the year 2010 God became my Father.
A Father’s love…man, I know when I look at my kids and even when they are screwing up I never treat them disrespectfully nor do I turn away from them when it becomes painful to see their actions play out for the worst. I do my best to be there for them and give them to tools they need to be better and succeed and I believe they are incredible because I made them. Well if I have this kind of love I have for my kids, my Father's is magnified by eternity. Not once has He turned away in disgust when I screw up, He hasn’t been disrespectful and He has never told me to leave. In the midst of EVERYTHING He has kept it together for me and has had abundant grace on my humanity.

I’ve walked through this year still a complete mess but through every up and down and every good and bad decision my Father oh so gently has taken care of me. First off within weeks of the crumbling house He literally hid me under the shadow of His wings and supplied a trip out of here. The kids, myself, and my niece were able to get away for a small reprieve in the midst of chaos. How did I have the foresight and funds to book a trip to San Diego? God, that’s how, He prepared a place for us to disconnect, breathe, bond and create colorful memories in a scene painted in harsh shades of gray. I remember looking across that beach and seeing those babies playing in the sand and tears of joy filling my eyes of pure love and thankfulness to my kind and gracious Father.

In the midst of my trial and my humanity at play I am filled with regret. So much regret. I feel broken down and crushed, filled with emotional heart pain that expresses itself physically, incredibly weary and my self confidence has flown out the window long ago…despair and depression try and fill my days with lethargic passive self abuse that becomes evident in my eating habits. This is what I’ve become in my flesh and standing here alone this is all I’ve got left to show, a house in crumbled debris. However, thank God in heaven I have another part of me that has a Hope anchored in eternal glory with my Father.
Romans 5:1-7 (hold on to your seats this is a good one) Therefore being justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only, so but we glory in tribulation also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience experience, and experience hope. And hope maketh not ashamed because the Love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.
My faith, as beaten up as it was walking into this year has given me access into His grace. Wherein I stand and rejoice in hope therefore helping me to glory in tribulation, knowing that this process is working out in me something greater than I can imagine. Regrets are experiences that I count as tools of wisdom for future decision making. Psalms 34:18 says the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. The debris was swept away from the house and the foundation was intact.,,2 Timothy 2:19 nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal. The Lord knoweth them that are His. This house can be rebuilt.
Within the first few hours of the initial blow to my house my sister, parents, kids, and Ken had a prayer meeting . Physically, mentally, emotionally broken I laid before the Lord with no words to console my children and no words to communicate my hurt to God. And ever so gently the Living Word of God came as a reassuring rescuing promise “Because thou has set your love upon Me therefore I will deliver you. I will set you on high because thou hast known My name. You will call upon Me and I will answer you. I will be with you in trouble. I will deliver you and honor you”. Psalms 91:14-15. I got up from the floor wiped my eyes and lift my hands and without feeling one ounce of Holy Ghost chills or authority I worshipped. And from that moment to this I have stood on that Word.
One of the biggest questions on my mind this year has been how can I be so full of ugliness, sin, and broken up yet Father keeps walking with me. He provides everything, I look around me and I am at want for absolutely NOTHING, long before the storm my Father prepared us… there have been a few mishaps here and there and being the spoiled brat I am I have “wanted” for things but never have I once needed something that He didn’t already supply or worked it out. My Father even worked out another vacation for us. Again, right at a crucial time of transition through this ongoing trial. I got to see the faces of my kids once again look across the endless ocean in another country, on a boat, in five different cities.

In the midst of the greatest trial of my life I have seen some amazing mountain tops. So I thank God for every moment of this year, every hurt and pain, every devastation, failure, and short coming, for every disappointment, and for every valley. These things will shape and mold me to become that which He has purposed me to become. And I thank him for every moment of happiness, every victory, every blessing, every mountain top, for every reprieve and every quiet moment in His presences. These things will sustain me and build and fashion me to become.

The Sap

2010-11-16T14:41:00.001-07:00

Things have changed so much in my life and in my ministry these past few years. I am confident that the root of this changed was birthed in much prayer and devotion. Let’s say that this root systems dates back far beyond the day my life “fell apart”. It all began with “The Sap” let me explain…
Remember the summer of the teachings about “abiding in Me as I abide in you and I am the vine and ye are the branches”…if you’re abiding then whatever sap your feeling is a direct result of what you’re getting from the vine. I also like to call that the “Summer of Love”. I can’t remember a time when more sermons where preached about the Love and Favor of God. During this time I earnestly sought after God because so many of the questions my heart had asked where being answered and truth was being revealed to me. And from that point to this my life has forever been changed.
By nature or by God given sap I tend to be a giver…I see a need and I want to give to the cause and remedy the hurts and strain of people’s lives. However within this gift I had a self righteous, judgmental attitude. I lacked compassion…funny to be able to give so freely but not have compassion if you asked me. Thankfully the Lord showed compassion on me and through many lessons taught me how to take this gift He gave me and administer it appropriately.
For many years I struggled with my identity. I knew I was a child of God and that He was the Author and Finisher of my faith. But I did not know who I was within the body. My natural sap wants to reach outside the church walls in ministry and touch the lives of the community around me. But for many years my ministry was focused within the walls of my fellowship. Within the depths of me was a constant sense of un-fulfillment. Working within the walls of my fellowship I would get on these bandwagons of wanting to rally the troops so to speak and donate our time, money or talent to the less fortunate. But I would retreat in defeat when someone didn’t embrace the burden to the degree in which it was burning in me. So I would leave my gift lying dormant and unused collecting dust on a shelf until I pulled it out once a year to give coats out in the winter.
I was blessed to be a part of an impacting youth retreat filled with the Word of God and clarification on what the true Fruits of the Spirit are. There was such an anointing of truth and revelation packed into that weekend. I was challenged…challenged to break out of my shell and take responsibility for what God was revealing to me. What it meant to be a Christian. Little did I know that this foundation of faith would keep me tethered for the next most difficult two years of my adult life. I pose the question “What does it mean to be a Christian?”
To be Christ-like I need to love unconditionally. “Love your enemies, blessed them that curse you. Do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. That ye may be children of your father which is in heaven”. To be Christ-like I need to minister to the poor, the broken, and the hurting. “when you did it for the least of them you did it unto Me”. Because of the revelation of The Sap which resides in me I am much more driven with clearer vision and because of life change that kicked me out of my comfort zone and challenged me to find who I am. I am moving forward into becoming…
I am a Child of God who is seeking to become more and more like my Father.

2010-09-13T10:27:00.002-06:00

When you are filled with the Spirit of Christ you become infused with a perpetual earnest desire that flows from your inner most being to pursue right. When you allow this regenerating force to move you forward, regardless of your failures and short comings, you'll find that grace will direct your steps and goodness will nurture and cultivate in you to...Become.

To Become...

2010-08-28T00:22:00.001-06:00

Life certainly has its ebbs and flows its ups and downs and moments that make you think recovery is nearly impossible. But we serve a God who somehow knows how to use the good, the bad, and the ugly to work out His good will in us. He’s still working on me. Yes that old Sunday school song has become a morsel of truth and hope that all that has been and all that will be, will become. Every little piece of failure, mishap, disappointment, accomplishment , success, achievement, and victory presses and creates who I will become. And I will become that which He has designed and created me to be.

2010-06-22T01:14:00.002-06:00

Today I witnessed one of the most surreal moments of my life. I could have never guessed that my life would take a turn like this one. I am so guarded and so careful with things and yet I find myself wandering this road of uncertainty. My heart broke today with the weight of all that we face as a family. I wondered as I propped my limp body up against that doorway "Will I be able to even move from this spot. Can I keep my head propped up and my heart can I rip it from my chest cause this pain is too severe." I wasn't expecting any of that. My exterior armour failed me miserably. Now I sit here in the dark typing on in agony trying to reach for substance, something, someone out there with something more than this nicotine craving ravishing body insisting I give in to the nothingness it holds. Simply said I need the Love of God to nurture and heal me but I fear that what I am not, who I am, and what I do or fail to do will make his hand short as I back away in unworthiness to call upon a name.
Someday this will be nothing more than a light affliction compared to the Glory that I'll be engulfed in. Oh, what a day....Hope anchor me to the Author and Finisher of my faith who began a good work in me and who will see it through to the end.

2010-06-09T15:03:00.002-06:00

Things seem to be getting back on track. It takes a lot of deliberate thought and discipline. I'm not sure if my feelings have changed about somethings but my logic doesn't give much room for my emotions to take over. There is a dull numb ache I try to ignore in my chest that every now and then again thuds against the shallow banks of the river of choices and circumstances. But day by day I put one foot in front of another and I breathe on breath at a time and I get through it. Learning to live a new way...

2010-05-04T08:07:00.003-06:00

What can I say this year started off pretty rough. When I thought life couldn’t get anymore difficult a chainsaw of destruction came in and tore into the fabric of our beings. Any resemblance of normal has long blown out the window of a house left in ruins. Sifting through the debris of what is left I find tarnished and broken fragments of things once deeply treasured. I gather them up and carefully place them in a bag for safe keeping. I hand my kids each a bag and a broom as we sweep through our broken dreams and gather our crushed hopes into the trash. Anything worth salvaging is carefully and tenderly set aside. We tirelessly continue to work until our minds and bodies are sore from clearing all the rubble of despair from the foundation of our home. There is a glimmer of hope that catches our eyes when see the foundation is still intact. With that we know we can build…

I wanted nothing more than to protect my kids from the harsh realities of the life I lived. I managed our lives so carefully. I measure my words and actions so intently around them. I am protective and keenly aware of wolves set on destruction. The onlooker will casually conclude that I invited the culprit in and coddled it by my apparent “rebellion” towards the establishment. But much to my dismay evil lurked within the walls of my safe harbor long before my own failures. This evil lay dormant for years and I was completely unaware of its presence and unable to do anything to stop it.

Picking up the pieces of what is left I am surprised at all that was salvaged. The core values of who we are to each other and who we are in God remain solidly inter-grained in the foundation. I wish that meant that we wouldn’t have our set backs and challenges but I have hope that this new house under construction will be a place of refuge. We won’t be able to ignore the scars that were left behind but we won’t allow them to make us inferior. We’ll use them as a fuel and a drive to excel despite their presence. This will become but a light affliction compared to the Glory that is to come.

Nine days into 2010...nine freakin days. Seriously?

2010-01-13T09:43:00.001-07:00

I need a sign to let me know You're here. All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere. I need to know that things are gonna look up. 'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup. I want a reason for the way things have to be. I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me...

New year

2010-01-04T08:57:00.002-07:00

This past year flew by for me. It was hard to get a hold of. It seemed like everything and anything all happened at once with hardly a moment to process it.
I have learned so much about myself. I’ve seen my faith, my morals, values, beliefs, and character all challenged like never before. I can’t make up my mind whether I have regrets for my decision making or if I am all the wiser for my experiences.
What I would like to do is close the book on 2009 and take the time this year to deliberately live my life one moment at a time considering the decisions I make and the results they will produce. I need to seek God more than anything, I feel like these past several months my decisions have only led me further away from my ultimate goal and that is to make it to heaven. I can pursue happiness in this life but not at the cost of losing eternal life in the other.
Still I can’t help but think that happiness will always be just out of my reach. Close but never attainable…I know that a lot of it has to do with my mindset and how I perceive my circumstance and act and react to them But I can’t help but wonder if achieving happiness means that I will be giving up part of who I am and want to be in order to conform to the standards my circumstances dictate.
The dreams and aspirations I have had in the past all seem bleak and unachievable and I know that without a vision I will perish. So somewhere along the journey of this year I need to take hold of those things again.
I can’t say that I am walking into this year with an absolute mindset of how things need to be. My heart and desires are still struggling against my logic and will. I only hope that somewhere along the way I can overcome and be the woman of God He has predestined me to be. I pray that my faith fails me not.
I can’t help but think that if I can shed and break away from the environment I’ve been living in this will happen. My growth has been stunted from my decisions and from the effects of where I am living and trying to be nurtured. All I can do is keep walking and pressing trying to forget and continue to reach. Somewhere beyond my understanding He makes all things new.

Take this life

2009-12-22T10:05:00.002-07:00

Staring into the mirror I see the figure of someone trying to take a stand & live for something more. Integrity is what I need & honor to my soul, I feed it up, pack it in getting rid of all my sin that’s weighing me down. In my pursuit of what is real my heart is longing with a need to feel my soul come alive.

2009-12-14T11:00:00.001-07:00

I know it seems like I am stalling. I know it seems like I don’t have any direction or even a clue as to what to do next. I feel like I have little or no choice. I feel like I have no release or hold.
What I do know is that I can’t stop trying…I might not be trying as hard as I could be trying but I’m still pushing, reaching, and moving in the direction I should be. Keeping my thinking as clear as possible and keeping that ember burning inside. I won’t give up.

2009-11-06T10:33:00.002-07:00

I may make the same mistake over and over. I may say and do the wrong thing time and time again. But that doesn't mean that I am going to quit or give up. It doesn't mean that I'm going to throw in the towel and resign to this inferior version of myself. Somewhere in the distance is an anchor of hope that I am tied to that will pull me to what God has created me to be. I must keep striving, pushing, pressing and reaching forth so that I one day may apprehend righteousness in the Glory that is to come.
I realize that my efforts at righteousness or right acts are as filthy rags before the King of Glory. Its by His blood that I am redeemed and saved not of myself or my works. Does that mean I can freely sin, God forbid! But I know when I do, I can go to my heavenly father and ask for forgiveness and He will not forsake me but help me to see what I can be, dust me off and enable me to be walk in grace and mercy as I travel the road of life.

Worship

2009-10-26T12:52:00.001-06:00

The other day I was in my car listening to my itouch and Israel’s version of “I exalt thee” comes on. I LOVE this song…simple, perfect, magnify God worship.
Before I knew it was caught up in reverent worship with tears streaming down my face and a freedom of expression I haven’t felt in a really long time.

After it was over I tried to remember when the last time I felt such a flood gate of sincere liberating worship and I am sad to say it was FOREVER ago. It was at a Mercy Me concert. What?! Why? When was the last time before that?
You gotta be kidding me….a Toby Mac concert last winter. Ugh, something is not right here! Before then…ah, having a hard time pinpointing it.

I remember that Toby Mac concert and the fervency in which I worshipped. I know what your thinking…worship to Boomin’ out your stereo system. Yep, maybe not that song in particular but “Made to love you”, “Jesus Freak”, or “Lose my Soul”. There was such a liberty in the Holy Ghost there…how? Maybe because the people there didn’t really care that the only expression of worship was a hand clap or foot stomp or jumping down in one little spot only. They were “worldly” and they danced before the Lord. Their dance probably looked more like the dance David danced before the Ark on its way back to temple then what we express every Sunday night.

Walking away from that experience I knew that my worship up to that point had been capped off and shallow compared to I had just had liberty to do. Think I am strange? I have one other example of a true liberated expression of worship. And up until that point I had NEVER felt such freedom.

I was at a prayer meeting at Landmark. There were about 20 of us there. We were in the sanctuary. Spent hours there…towards the end of evening someone put on “God is a Good God” it was dark with only the night light shining in through the windows above and from what I can remember and from what I could see Worship exploded in that place…there was such a liberty to dance before the Lord and to make a joyful sound. I had never felt so euphoric before in the presence of the Lord. I was giving him my all and everything that he had given me I gave back to him.

After that night I yearned for such liberty again in my worship. I began to have “private sessions” of worship before God in my basement with my kids. I longed for that rawness of emotion and expression before the Lord but I had no liberty to express it within the confines of a Pentecostal service.

There was a time during a community group; when I felt the power of the Lord but no one else seemed to and tears of worship poured out but I felt ashamed as everyone looked at me. I noticed after that instance I never again let on again to the anointing I would feel in worship and I stifled it. So the instances became fewer and further in between…a Toby Mac concert last winter and a Mercy Me concert a few short months after several months last Saturday driving to Park Meadows…So much time has elapsed.

2009-10-20T12:02:00.001-06:00

The reason I can not fail...

Acknowledgement

2009-10-20T11:54:00.003-06:00

Happy to say that had a brief glimpse of what depression can look like and decided not to hang around and visit. I’m not who you say I am. I am more than a conqueror, I am bought with a price. I’m filled with Living water that flows out and touches the lives of those around me. I am a light in a dark world pointing others to Christ.
I will no longer allow you to bully me or intimidate me. Or cause me to doubt myself and the living God in whom I serve. I will not allow you to condemn me nor persecute me.
I will live above your influence and strive to do what God has called me to do. I will no longer be catergorized by your walls of humanity. The legacy I am striving for; come hell, come high water, come pain, come failure is to be someday called a Christian...someone who really is Christ-like. I will make it. I will be changed. I will become.

2009-10-12T09:34:00.004-06:00

I am tired of waking up and not feeling well. I tend to feel hopeless lost and filled with despair. I try to ignore the achy feeling deep in my gut and most of the time I successfully achieve this. However I would be foolish to believe that my ignoring has made it go away.
I’m not sure how to fix this…I know all the “right” answers but they just don’t seem to be the solution to the problem. It seems to be that no matter what my actions are I am going to experience some degree of despair, hopelessness, emptiness, and un-fulfillment.

For quite some time now I have been going through a process that has me walking the line so to speak. I am tired of the establishment, I am tired of the man, I am tired of religion, and I am tired of my complacent self. I would love to see change and reform to the way things are done and handled. Because of this I am fighting cynicism, complacency, bitterness, and even rebellion.

To get to the brass tacks of what I want…. I want nothing more than to be in the presences of God, doing his work, loving and helping others discover Jesus. This seems to be the hardest thing to achieve for me. To me, it seems like I run into barriers of man and their opinion and their control on how things should be and can be done. We let humanity govern Christianity rather than letting Christianity govern our humanity, therefore snuffing out the true potential of the church and its ability to reach the lost effectively and keep the saints healthy.

It’s been in the last couple years that I have seen and understood the true meaning of Christianity. Please don’t get me wrong I probably only see a small fragment of what it is and I have leaps and bounds more to discover and learn. But one thing I know for sure is that what I “knew” before was wrong. I did not exercise my Christianity in love. I lacked compassion and therefore relevancy to the broken and hurting.

I handed everyone I knew who was going through something a clinical “textbook” answer and I never knelt down and got my hands dirty and helped.
I stoically stood there with my spiritual scrubs on, my face mask, my gloved hands and stared down my nose at people as I handed them a rope, tied it to a tree and walked away saying a prayer. It ticks me off to think about how much of a religious jerk I have been.

I’m afraid that most Christians are like this. I can testify for myself now. Being on this side of the fence, it has helped me see who I was and how I can never be again. And now that I need someone I have found there is no one to be found. Most people are look at me standing behind a 10 foot pole making sure they don’t breathe the same contaminated air I do.

I see the look on your faces as you walk past me. I see the language of your body and your darting eyes. I hear your calculated words and detached tone. I feel the emptiness of your half hearted hug. I see you tie a rope around a tree and breathe a prayer in some distant corner for me as you walk away.
I can’t say I blame you. I was taught the same thing you were. Believe me, I know what its like to be on your side of the fence when I tell my daughter she can’t hang out with a kid because they are going to be a bad influence on her…I’ve told her she can’t breathe the same air as them because I didn’t want her to be contaminated.

On this side of the fence though I have to say…wow, does that hurt. I had to recently hear the words come out of my daughter’s mouth that someone has told their kid they can’t come over anymore because they aren’t sure about the decisions we are making. As I choked back the lump in my throat and held back the tears in my eyes I had to be strong and look my beloved in the face and say…its okay. God knows where we are. We don’t need man’s approval.

Problem is…we need man’s approval. We need their seal of recommendation to live out what God has given us. The church is suppose to be a place where saints and sinners alike can draw strength from. Where the blood of Calvary flows freely and the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost. Where the world knows we are the children of God because we love one another. Instead, being on this side of the fence, it’s a cold, dry, lonely place where you are beat down and neglected because your issue is visible, well all the others have theirs hidden well beneath the layers of “holiness”.

I can testify that this process has been a difficult one. I have seen my humanity in all its shapes and sizes. I have seen how I let it lead me to believe I was a better Christian because I knew when to lift my hands and stomp my feet on the right beat. I see how my humanity led me to believe that I had my Christianity down pact because I believed I had a corner stone on truth and on holiness. Now I see my humanity in a whole different light…Woe is me! For I am undone. I have unclean lips and I am filled with iniquity. I finally see myself in the true light of Calvary. I finally see myself in need of redemption. I need grace and mercy to be save me from myself.

I’ve heard it said that “you need to be the seed of change that you want to see grow”. Slowly and very deliberately now I am making sure I become the very thing I need. And maybe somewhere in the process I can be fixed. I am learning to love others despite who they are and what they have did. I am learning to be compassionate and caring towards others. In all my faults; during this process of life, I am reaching out to the hurting, the broken, the wounded and I am offering a hand to pull someone one to dry land even though I feel like I am standing on sinking sand.

I have not and will not give up on the absolute truth of the Word of God. But I can’t say I am not struggling with man’s interpretation of it. As much as I would like to say I have “studied and rightly divided the Word of Truth” I have not. For too long I have lent a hand to someone else seeking out my salvation using fear to cause me to tremble. I do not want to take away credit for a man of God in my life by any means. But at some point I need to start taking full ownership in my walk with God and the choices I make. I need to live my life for God and not for man.

2009-08-24T08:40:00.001-06:00

Umm, so this past weekend I have made a concerted effort on change, really striving to be better and more alert. Its Monday morning and I still feel like crap. I did all the “right” things and still feel at loss...SERIOUSLY!

2009-08-12T09:29:00.001-06:00

If I give my life, if I lay it down can you turn this life around can I be made clean buy this offering of my soul. Can I be made whole again?

Comfortably Numb

2009-08-11T14:37:00.000-06:00

I’ve recently discovered something…its kind of a revelation to me. I’ve disconnected. I think I have pinpointed the time and the place Presbyterian St. Lukes, Just a week or so before October 16th 2007.

I walked up to my Papo and I told him that the doctors were taking off the feeding and oxygen tubes keeping him alive. From that moment on I disconnected from any real emotion…from any real sensitivity. From that time until present I have been walking around comfortably numb…as Pink Floyd so eloquently put it.

I realize that I have been one throughout my life that has always kept my emotions at bay, being more logical than emotional. The answer is always easy when you approach it with cold hard factual truth. Yes, there have been times when I let my emotions get the best of me but they are few and far between.

I am not saying that for the last 2 years I have been completely void of emotion but they have been glazed over with a thick dose of lethargy; complacency perhaps…Since the passing of my Papo I have seen a lot of loss. I am sure there are people who have experienced more hurt and pain but this is my blog…

I lost my faith in church and the leadership. I have lost my faith in hope, in doing the right thing. I have lost my faith in my marriage. I have even lost my faith in the Word to some measure. I lost my grandma, losing my house, losing my grip on who I am and what I want to become. And I can honestly say that the bare bones of what I haven’t lost faith in is the Love of Jesus. It’s His Love for me that is keeping me afloat and that’s something I can’t lose.

I ask myself in all sincerity if it took all of this to get me where I am completely reliant on Calvary. I hate to say it but I know that at some point I had thought I “arrived” not to some high social status or a corporate ladder but I had pitched my tent on the corner of…”I’m married, I have a wonderful husband, great kids, two dogs, a great house, money to spend, friends to fellowship with, a great church, several ministries, knew the Word, knew how to pray, when to pray, when to worship, how to worship, and all the stuff that comes with that”.

Then it all slipped away.

I’m not so happily married, my husband is still wonderful, my great kids are fighting, my dog is peeing, I lost the house, money is tight, all friends are gone, the church body is failing to show brotherly love, I resigned from all but one of my ministries, I still know the Word but now it stands as a sword that I use to cut into the humanity of others, my prayers are weak, when I do pray, and my worship is shallow when I do worship.

I have always drawn strength from the Word of God. I know how to do that…growing up I learned the Word, I put it away in my heart and mind so I wouldn’t sin against it. I studied to show myself approved; I put on the whole amour of God. I was baptized in Jesus name, spoke in tongues when the Holy Ghost came…but somewhere when I really depended on it to keep me “safe” it failed. I guess I kinda thought that if I did all the right things, practiced the formula that I would not have to struggle with my flesh…isn’t that what’s preached all the time? Pray, fast, read the Word and you’ll overcome. WHAT DID I MISS???

I am pretty sure that all my works and all that stuff were and still are as filthy rags…my need for Calvary and for redemption have completely gone unnoticed by me until these last few months. Now I desperately need the love of Jesus and Calvary’s flow of grace but I am I chained to these feelings of inadequacy and failure. Now I don’t want to go to church, now I don’t know what to pray and I don’t know how to get to “back to good”.

I walk through life being happy on occasion but no joy. I spend time with my husband and kids but in this detached state of mind. Sometimes I stop and I notice that my mind is in a completely different place. I have been told several times recently to live in the moment I am in…it’s like I can’t focus. I go to church or listen to preaching and I can’t latch on to anything. I have no peace, no patience, no loving kindness, no meekness…no fruit of the Spirit. What the heck is wrong with me…I can not for the life of me seem to get it together.

I heard a preaching called “Don’t let you Samuel die”. Samuel representing spiritual sensitivity…I think on that day walking up to my Papo and seeing that look on his face I lost my spiritual and my emotional sensitivity to life.

I pray that I can find it…

2009-07-16T10:26:00.002-06:00

"Give me words to speak don't let my spirit sleep. Cause I can't think of anything worth saying" Aaron Shust

Adrift

2009-06-26T07:54:00.002-06:00

This moment keeps on moving. We were never meant to hold on.
This was a scene worth waking up for when I woke up.

2009-06-03T15:15:00.001-06:00

Two thousand and nine might not be my favorite year...endless trouble. I pray it gets easier

Life

2009-03-17T15:15:00.002-06:00

Today is the first day of breathe at the age of 32 years. I’m grateful for all that God has done for me, what He hasn’t done for me and what He will do for me. It’s been three months now into 2009 and the year is developing just fine.

There are a lot of changes over the horizon that I am looking forward to. Will and I resigned from being facilitators for community group. It just wasn’t working out as well as we hoped and it seems like Will is going to be helping out more and more with counseling with his mom. Which means Wednesday nights for him; will start to be filled with work. Ideally another office will open up and Will would be working there full time. We’ll have to see what God has in store.

It looks like we will be moving soon. Our house will be going up on the market in the next couple days. The house payments just weren’t working out for us anymore especially with today’s economy…so we thought we would cut our loses and go. So I’m pretty excited about our next little place where we can rest our heads and call home.

Jereme-Ashlee and I have taken the dive…She had been experiencing terrible headaches everyday for several months. We eliminated all causes, going to the dentists, eye doctor, caffeine, water…ect, ect, to no avail. It seemed like all signs were pointing to the length and weight of her hair. With advice from Pastor we talked with a chiropractor, which was quite helpful. It seems like there is a misalignment with her spine that was causing headaches…Finally relief. However, confirmed yet again by the chiropractor this time her hair was too heavy for her and when the adjustment would be made it would only aggravate it again. So my poor dear daughter got her first haircut at the age of 13 years old. She cried.

I am so proud of Jereme-Ashlee she has always been such a remarkable girl. She has handled the situation in such humbleness and humility. We are both praying that God’s grace and mercy be abundant and that the spirit of rebellion or pride doesn’t get any kind of foothold in her life. I can’t imagine the weight that she is carrying right now knowing that people are judging her and most of them are judging the situation wrongly. I pray that God will help her tread through the criticism and look towards Him for approval and acceptance.

I’m still striving to stay focused and not let outside influences have an affect on my walk and relationship with God. I intend on being in this until I hear those words “well done”. I just got to keep my head on straight and keep my heart pure. I’m striving to daily take a moment and recognize the greatness of God’s love. To give Him all of me…if anyone has mastered this please let me in on the secret. I find myself picking up my living sacrifice and trying to manage my life on my own. Grr.

Recently I have purchased Shawn McDonald, Jeremy Riddle, and Tenth Avenue North…all which have really ministered to me and helped me focus more. Some day I will become a song writer and learn to play the guitar and maybe my songs will help someone draw closer to God. I’m grateful for little brooks of encouragement from people who don’t know they are feeding me life. It’s amazing how God sustains us even in dry desert places. I’ve come to appreciate the ministry I am once again. In serving I am being fed. God is Good. I look forward to what he has planned for me and my family.

2009-02-19T09:25:00.003-07:00

I love the season change; and boy am I ready for it. What happened to a good old white powdered winter. I live in Colorado right? I prefer my sun filled days to have vibrant color, pleasant scents and a slight breeze tickling my skin. Not drab shades of gray and brown with a violent wind tossing trash, sand and my hair around.

I'm ready for spring, the fresh new life of flowers, grass, and trees. I'm a sucker for spring; by far its the best season in my opinion, but then again I am taken with Autumn and well, I like the look of freshly packed snow. Honestly summer may be the only season I can do with out WHAT? (I know thats what you are thinking.) I hate being hot and I'm not one much for tanning or sweating. But I'm sure I can think of something nice about summer too. Yea, here is flip flops and T's.

Anyway...

I was thinking that I needed to bring my thinking into a different season. To reach for a mental picture before the actual evidence comes along. So Spring...new life, fresh view, happy, light, birds chirping and flockling in the tall grass spinnning and singing "the hills are alive with the sound of music"...I'm looking forward to you.

God is such a good God. Much like the seasons of the year He brings our lives through seasons. Just knowing that the violent winds of pain and the dark drab colors of a snowless winter won't last forever brings a smile to my face. Because the very next season is spring...life. Isn't it encouraging to know that what we are going through now won't last forever. (OMG haha, ironically I am listen to, get this Israel Houghton's "I lift up my hands". If you know that song on the cd he speaks about a new season. Couldn't have planned it better...)

"You serve a God of season and every season has a purpose"

2009

2009-01-14T08:55:00.004-07:00

2009 has been good to me so far. I am excited to start a new year and accomplish new and different things. I get to start my year off with a new car. Which is great. God knows I needed one and He hooked me up! With the new year I now have a teenage daughter. Yikes! Thats really hard to say. I don't think it has much to do with my age but more of my inexperience on how to raise one of those. I'm confident that me, Will, God, and Jereme will work through that though and come out triumphant!
I say this with oodles of conviction but I fear that I may have to take it with a grain of salt. This year is going to be the year of my west coast vacation with the family. We have to make it happen or else time will get away from us and we'll lose out. Its just a matter of moments before Michael is a teen as well. Ah, time is so precious and boy does it fly!

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

2008-12-18T13:57:00.004-07:00

I am looking forward to this year's Christmas day. Not that we will be doing anything different from what we normally do but I think I am looking forward to the company. No one is coming over. Its going to be great...sleep in. Grab some coffee and hot chocolate. Open presents, watch TV...watch more TV. Chow down on some crab, watch more tv. Go to bed. Wow I can't wait.

Dissatisfied?

2008-12-08T14:26:00.003-07:00

Why do we often equate our relationship with God with the circumstances that surround us? What do they have in common, are they intertwined? Why do we often find ourselves taking things out on God when He is the only surety in our life that won’t let us down?

If we are dissatisfied with our relationship with God it’s only our fault. It really has nothing to do with the preacher, the church, the people, or any other circumstances. We can't point fingers and say this is wrong and that is right and how come we are taught this and not taught that.

Its our responsibility to engage intimacy with our friend, if we aren't pulling up a chair to the table and conversing with God that is no one else's problem, but our own. God is not limited to the church we go to. His presence expands far beyond the reach of those doors.

If we find ourselves malnutritioned and not getting enough from church then its because we are only eating 2 or 3 times a week. If we want to know more of God then we need to pick up the Word. Could it be possible that we have a mistaken identity crisis? Are we so conditioned to associating ourselves with church that we forget who it is that we serve? Our identity is not in an organization, or a labeled religion but or identity is in the name of Jesus. Its not limited to brick or mortar. And that is what makes the body of Christ indestructible. The ball is in our court, if we want more of God...well then we need get more.

2008-11-03T11:24:00.001-07:00

My Desire By Jeremy Camp

2008-11-03T09:58:00.007-07:00

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.
(Philipians 1:9-10)

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

(James 1:3-4)

Hope

2008-10-16T07:45:00.001-06:00

It’s been awhile since I have found the need to write about something. It’s only been recently that something has bubbled up out of the depths of my subconscious. At this point I fear that I won’t be able to do the subject justice because I have barely begun to recognize its importance in life.

I hate to qualify the meaning of hope by using a definition from the dictionary but when I looked it up I was pleased to find that what I wanted to say about hope fell into what Webster had referenced. (Go figure, who would have ever guessed) duh.

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
A person or thing in which expectations are centered.
To look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
To believe, desire, or trust

What spurred hope’s relevancy in my life? First off let me clue you in on how cynical I was about the word hope and my ignorance of the value of it. It used to be a huge pet peeve of mine when someone would respond to a request with the statement “I hope so”. Being the absolute person I am; I would counter their response with…”what does hope have to do with it? It’s either yes or no, you only say “I hope so” because you don’t want to commit.”

God being the merciful guy He is, clued me in on the importance of hope and boy did I ever feel dumb…I guess that’s why it was written “it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe”. Hope is not some vague idea of someone who can’t commit or some far fetched belief that something great just might happen someday. When it comes to the kingdom of God hope is the anchor that our faith holds on to.

To do the subject justice I will take a little on at a time. So far I have seen several different patterns in the Bible when it refers to hope. There is the hope in the Word, hope in the Gospel, and hope in eternal life, and of course Hope in God. Well see how this turns out. To be continued….

2008-08-31T20:22:00.003-06:00

Its the goodness of God that leads man to repentance.

Looking throughout my life I can see time and time again the goodness of God.

I can't express or adequately convey my love for God. Even more its above my ability to convey God's love for me. I am so fortunate to know and serve the one true living God.

Sharp Enough For You?

2008-08-29T12:32:00.005-06:00

I love the Word of God. I love how its alive and applies to our everyday life. I love that its the discerner of the thoughts and the intents of our hearts. I love that its a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. And most importantly I love that the Word of God became flesh and dwelt among us.

Today I was listening the book of Romans and this chapter really stood out to me. Perhaps its just an indication to where I am. Let me share a few things; a few things to consider...

The premise behind this chapter is to point out that if someone esteems a day higher than another or if someone considers eating one thing a sin but the other does...don't judge. I am a KJV kind of girl but for clarification purposes am going to use another intereptation.

Romans 14: 13-23 (NKJV)

Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way. 14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men.
19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are pure, but it is evil for the man who eats with offense. 21 It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak. 22 Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.

Somehow I need to change my mindset and my behavior of judging others and their actions. There are some cut and dry issues in the bible that we need to live by. And there are people's opinions...How often are we destroying the work of God in peoples lives over the sake of food? If only we could condition ourselves to pursue things which make for peace and edify one another and stop judging because someone doesn't eat the same food.

There is so much judgment in the church of the living God. Even back then. Jesus said that you will know my disciples because they will love one another. Somehow the church, even from early on got caught up in judging one anothers actions.

I've never known anything different than pentecost...I've grown up in this thing. With that I've never really known the peace of God. I know I have spent a lot of time walking in condemnation always trying to live by some standard of measure that guarentees my entrance into heaven and my acceptance into the fold. And because of this I have always found myself falling short.

Its only been recently that my relationship with God has been between me and Him. Before I let someone's elses opinion dictate to me my behavior. And even though I have always loved and read the Word of God it has never hit home to me like it should. I think that in some regard my mind has been conditioned to think of only the judgments, righteousness, and holiness of God and not his mercy, grace, or love.

So when I would read passages like Romans 14 I would always put myself in the "don't be a stumbling block to someone by your actions". Please don't get me wrong I firmly believe that I need to be careful and not do that but what about all those who have done it to me. Unrealistic expectations of man's opinions that make me stumble because I can't live up to them. The Word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword...that means that it cuts both ways. I can't judge someone's intentions and they can't judge mine.

Oh, how I need the mercy of God. I need to recondition my thinking and stop being judgmental of others. This behavior is bred into to me...it leaks out all the time. The Word of God is just and its a mirror that will show us a reflection of who we are and our environment and what we can be because of a man named Jesus.

The word says... Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. 23 But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.

I'm going to stop second guessing my decisions when they are lined up with the Word of God and forget trying to line up to the word of man. Clearly my condemnation is a sin even if what I am doing isn't.

Other people's thoughts on character

2008-08-13T15:14:00.003-06:00

* You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one.

* Character- the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life- is the source from which self respect springs.

* People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character.

* Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing

* Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

The Goodness and Mercy of God

2008-07-21T08:48:00.002-06:00

Sometimes it can be so easy for someone like me to take the mercy, grace, and the goodness of God for-granted. When you walk in it day after day and if you’re not careful the awe of redemption gets lost in the scenery of life. I’m not trying to sound high and mighty or clean and faultless but this weekend I came down from my perch of suburbia and walked around downtown for a bit. I felt like I was on sensory overload. There were so many people doing normal, crazy, or ridiculous things. I saw some lady yelling and cussing at a young boy telling him he was good for nothing and that he would never amount to anything. This boy was on the street corner juggling to raise funds for his hockey team and minding his own business. The lady…appeared to be homeless as she pushed around a baby stroller full of trash. Later I saw a drunk girl being held up by her friend as they staggered down the mall trying to appear normal and under complete control. Looking like 16 year olds but had to be somewhere in the 50’s. And to my complete shock I saw some man groping his girl friend between the legs as she encouraged more of the same behavior.
It had been some time since I had been around the “world”. I felt hopeless. I started to look at the faces of men and women old and young and felt like my hands were completely tied and that they would all suffer the same demise when they reach eternity’s door. I was surrounded by emptiness. All the money that was being spent, all the time and effort people went through to get a little attention. All the empty eyes behind drunken fabricated smiles of shallow happiness. And here am I in my clean white clothes appearing to have my act together but knowing full well that the inside of me is as dark and distorted as the scenery around me.
See, I am bravely admitting that recently the call or the lure of the world had my attention. Let me relate to a preaching I heard recently…John the revelator/beloved was in “great admiration” when he saw the “great whore”. She was arrayed in purple and scarlet and decked with gold and precious stones. The preaching warned that if John, the man who sat at the bosom of Jesus was admiring this woman then we too need to be careful not to get caught up in her allure.
Well, since my heart is deceitfully wicked I have be battling thoughts of wanting to take part in the world sinfulness. As a good Christian knows when these thoughts come they need to cast them down and brought into captivity. However, in the recent months I have been dwelling on them and they have gotten bigger and uglier. But after this weekend I felt like God showed me…this is the world. This is what it has to offer. Do you want it?
It’s like the blinders have been removed from my eyes. What was I thinking and dwelling on? Something that would only leave me empty with no fulfillment? How can I be so dumb? I thought about the move of God I felt in service earlier in the week…the Spirit of God was moving so thick amongst the youth I was with. The Word of God pierced my soul and heart and let me know that if I struggle and don’t let go of God He will bless me. Which was completely amazing because not to many days before I had envision my finger tips holding the alter of God barely hanging on but telling Him, no matter what I’m not going to let go. God knows where I am and He knows just what I need to get my eyes back into focus and I am so thankful to Him. It makes me think…”who is man that thou are mindful of him?” Why Lord do you care so much for me God? I can confirm that it’s the goodness of God that leads man to repentance.

Psalms 23:6- Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

2008-07-21T07:56:00.002-06:00

I am completely convinced that God cares about every little aspect of my life. Some might find this comical and completely unrelated or fabricated to fit my beliefs but so be it. Several weeks ago my husband and I were at the mall and for fun we like to go by the pet store and stare at the puppies in the window. On this particular evening we saw this little black puppy with one little white spot underneath his chin. He was adorable. He was the same “make and model” as our dog Lexie so we thought why not ask “how much is the little puppy in the window?” Well much to our dismay he was WAY over our budget and we had to walk away.
Since then we have been talking about getting an all black puppy to keep Lexie company. Last week I was casually looking at the classifieds. I called two ads in the paper saying that they had my “make a model”. One had what sounded like a beautiful little girl who was all white with gray highlights. I thought for sure we should go take a look at her. The second ad led me to Ft. Morgan where I found a little black puff ball with a little white spot under his chin, more than half the price off of the pet store. Needless to say we brought Toby home with us and now we are under assault of constantly cleaning up puppy potty messes once again!
I know what you are thinking this sounds too much like Chicken Soup for the Soul. I don’t blame you for thinking that. I am a little embarrassed to be relating me new puppy to the goodness of God. But I can’t neglect to give God the glory for all he has done for me. I look around and I see nothing but the very best. I’m not riding around in a Lexus or living in Cherry Hills but I know that the desires of my heart are being met but a very kind, giving, loving God. Who thinks I am the best and doesn’t mind showing me his love! This little random act of kindness on his part completely humbles me and shows me once again how great and loving my God is.

2008-07-16T14:40:00.005-06:00

What do I want to be when I grow up….a good parent.

I’m still hoping that somewhere along the line of parenthood I can be infused with rich wisdom, patience, love, and understanding. Its been 12 years now since I have stepped into the role of being the “all knowing” and “never failing” parent. Gosh…how many times have I screwed up already? I am convinced that there is no higher role in life than a parent. It’s an opportunity to embrace the responsibility and the ultimate challenge of nurturing the next great human being. I like to think that someday my son will grow up to be the perfect man. He’ll be just as comfortable in the kitchen helping out with dinner and the kids as he is in the garage or doing maintenance around the house. When I think of my daughter I envision a woman full of confidence, intellect, and independence. The clique comes to mind…:”living your life vicariously though your child”. Yep, that’s me.
Somehow I must instill character into my children but how do I do that? Is there some magic button I can push and everything they need to know is miraculously downloaded into them? If someone has the scoop on this please pass on the info I will pay any fee you request.
From the onset of parenthood I have sought God’s divine help. With all my short comings, my bad habits, and my failures I know that I am bound to mess up my kids. I can already hear the sound of their voices saying “heck no”. It seems that kids have a natural tendency to pick up all the bad habits their parents have and unknowingly discard the good. When your kids are first born you have such high expectations. You dream of a harmonic symphony of parenthood…”everything is just going to be perfect” then you have a late night, pacing the hallways rocking the babe as you cradle her in your arms wishing, hoping, and praying that she would just go to sleep. Not realizing that someday down the road there is a good chance you will be pacing the hallways again…wishing, hoping, and praying she is alright and would get home on a Friday night. Those foreseen days terrify me. Parenthood was so much easier when they could be picked up and cuddled.
Now I have to worry, am I being too controlling, too mean, too overbearing. Am I giving her too much freedom, or not enough responsibility? The list keeps getting longer and longer as I second guess my self. I’m a firm believer in picking your battles. There is no need to wring your child through the wringer for every little mistake. I realize that there are black and white, absolute things that I want my kids to recognize and submit too. But what amount of influence or pressure should a parent apply. Pushing them too much could lead them to inevitable hate or rejection of the issue. But not putting enough emphasis on something can also imply to them that its not important. How do I, as a parent, find that balance?
There is nothing I want more than to raise the next greatest human beings. My list of ingredients…
Love, lots of it.- For God, for neighbor, and for enemies
Self Control- know where to draw the line
Determination-never giving up
Faithfulness- to one another, family, and God
Respect- For everything and everyone
Integrity, wisdom, courage, humility, passion, individuality

Please God, Somehow help me not to screw up!

2008-07-10T09:08:00.002-06:00

Never let your present circumstances name your future

Bits and Pieces

2008-06-16T22:22:00.011-06:00

*Show me someone content with mediocrity and I'll show you someone destined for failure.

*We learn wisdom much more through failure than through success.

*The virtue of faithfulness is very costly

*Untried faith is not faith at all.

*Remember who you wanted to be.

*Exceptional work is proceeded by extended wait.

*How much do you really want of God. How much of yourself are you willing to give?

*Whatever the soul knows how to seek it cannot fail to obtain

*Look where you are going because you will go where you are looking.

*You will only grow to the dimension that you accept change.

For Such A Time As This

2008-06-16T22:22:00.006-06:00

For such a time as this you have been called to stand against the wiles of the enemy to wreak havoc on the kingdom of darkness
For such a time as this you have been called to labor in the ripe fields of men's souls, reaching into the fire to pull them out of eternal destruction
For such a time as this you have been called to get down on your knees and pray for a nation that needs the intervention of grace where sin abounds so great
For such as time as this you have been called to complete the body of Christ making ready the bride for the day of the bridegroom
You have been called to the kingdom for such a time as this.

Revised 61208

2008-06-11T14:29:00.004-06:00

Would Jesus recognize the church today as the one he began to build when he proclaimed…”Upon this rock I will build My church” (Mt 16). The chapter prior to this verse Jesus was healing the lame, opening the blind eyes and making the dumb to speak. He broke the bread and the fishes and He blessed them and fed the multitude. So if we are to follow Jesus by taking up our cross and denying ourselves, shouldn’t our works be geared towards the same people Jesus ministered to? Did the church take a left hand turn somewhere and forget about feeding the poor and taking care of the widows and orphans? Where is the power and demonstration of the miraculous, the healing of the sick and the breaking of bread to feed the multitudes. Are these just bed time stories that we figuratively refer to happening someday down the road. Before I get any further I would like to affirm that I am completely convinced that the scripture "these signs shall follow them that believe....they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover" to be fulfilled in my life and my church. I firmly believe in apostolic demostration of the Power of God. But I also believe that we can be using the resources God has provided more effectively. I recently heard someone refer to the riches of this world being given to the church to be used. If that is the case why don’t we dive in and retrieve them for the glory of God? There are institutions that are established that can put feet on the gospel, on the feeding of the poor and healing the sick but it doesn’t seem like we are taking advantage of the store house the world has. Are we waiting for manna to rain down from heaven when all along the store houses are full? Could it be that an organization like the Red Cross is the avenue we should work with it give of our time and money to make a difference in the life of some unfortunate soul? Or is that wrong…and we should be waiting for the manna?
God has given this modern day church the tools and the resources to reach a dying and lost world but we are stuck in the mindset that freedom from poverty only comes by a miracle of God. Well, guess what it does…God uses man to do his work more often than not. What are we doing to make sure that the work, the church Jesus started to build is getting done? What are we lending our time and resources to? Are we reaching the lost?

He is

2008-06-11T13:06:00.004-06:00

I can not be content with my accomplishments in life
I can not be mislead that they were of my doing
I can not be turned aside to the left or the right
I must keep my eye on Him
I must keep my feet on the straight path
I must follow his leading when he moves in mysterious ways
I have no option to stray from my course
I have no desire to seek pleasure elsewhere
I have no need to withdraw from His love
There is no weapon formed against me that can prosper
There is no kingdom formed against me that will stand
I have power over my enemy to put him beneath my feet
There is no gate that prevail against me
For he sustains me
He provides for me
He tells me He Loves me
He holds me when I am hurting
He assures me in my darkest despair
He is my refuge from the enemy
He guides me and orders my path straight

He is my strength in my present time of trouble

His blood washes me clean and heals my body

He keeps me in all His ways

He is my peace

He is my rock

He is my deliverance

He is my help

He is my shepherd

He is my friend

He is my groom

He is my king

He is my savior

He is my GOD!

My salvation and my authority are embodied in His name

His name is JESUS!

2008-06-06T09:37:00.002-06:00

Why do we often equate our relationship with God with the circumstances that surround us? What do they have in common, are they intertwined? Why do we often find ourselves taking things out on God when He is the only surety in our life that won’t let us down?
If we are dissatisfied with our relationship with God it’s only our fault. It really has nothing to do with the preacher, the church, the people, or any other circumstances. We can't point fingers and say this is wrong and that is right and how come we are taught this and not taught that.
Its our responsibility to engage intimacy with our friend, if we aren't pulling up a chair to the table and conversing with God that is no ones problem, but our own. God is not limited to the church we go to. His presence expands far beyond the reach of those doors.
If we find ourselves malnutrition and not getting enough from church then its because we are only eating 2 or 3 times a week. If we want to know more of God then we need to pick up the Word. Could it be possible that we have a mistaken identity crisis? Are we so conditioned to associating ourselves with church that we forget who it is that we serve? Our identity is not in an organization, or a labeled religion but or identity is in the name of Jesus. Its not limited to brick or mortar. And that is what makes the body of Christ indestructable. The ball is in our court, if we want more of God...well then get more.

Clarity

2008-06-04T00:41:00.003-06:00

Isn't amazing how clarity can come sweeping in with the Word of Truth? Ideally I try to think of myself as being a person of absolutes. There is black and there is white...the gray areas aren' t something I generally concern myself with very often. However, I feel like recently I have been surrounded in a wilderness of drought, uncertainty, bewilderment, and grayness.
The amazing thing to me about God is...that you only need to breathe a prayer of relief and He brings in a glass of water, kneels to wash your feet, picks you up and dusts you off and gets you facing the correct direction again. The God I love and strive to know is SO gracious and loving! Looking into the face of a God who would kneel to wash your feet and seeing those eyes of pure undefiled, unadulterated love, brings you back to center.
"I still can't believe that the same voice that spoke all the stars into space says he loves me and he made me nothing less than what I'm meant to be, the things I believe have been misconceived by this heart that can't understand love. Help me to see what You see in me" (Foolish Things)

The Race

2008-05-29T18:48:00.000-06:00

Hebrews 12:1-2

Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin, which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

At the beginning of this year I decided I need a change. I’m getting older and I don’t want to start spiraling downhill before my time, so I thought I would kick up the exercise a notch.
I started off like everyone does…with flying colors. For almost two months I worked out 6 days a week, hoping that this change would help me get more fit I’m into my 5th month now and I don’t go as often as I did before but I haven’t quit either. I go on average 3 days a week now. So, the purpose for me talking about this isn’t to brief everyone on my success or lack thereof on fitness goals, but to set a foundation to where I am going.

My co-workers and I were having a conversation mid April about running. My office has several avid runners that do marathons and triathlons. So the story goes as follows. My boss is telling the president of our company, that I have recently taken up running (I give her a progress report pretty much weekly about my efforts on just trying to stay on a treadmill longer than 3 minutes) So she is well aware of my new fitness goals for the year. So the president then mentioned that the bolder boulder is coming up soon and I should considering participating. I tell him that there is nothing more intimidating to me than to run a 10k race with thousands of people and not being able to keep up. He then mentions that in a couple weeks a 5k is taking place called the Iron Girl sponsored by Aflac and since it’s a shorter race, it might be an just the event for me to get my feet wet and experience the world of competitive running. So I talked to Will about my new aspirations on becoming a competitive runner and got his input on the event and he fully supported the idea.

Long story short…three weeks before the event I decide I am going to run this 5k race and so I register Jereme-Ashlee and I to run as a mother-daughter team. Before I get to my subject I’ll tell you our results…Jereme and I finished 36th out of 87 mother & daughter teams. With a finish time of 37:33 minutes. Well, I won’t tell you all the details of the next three weeks in between, when I am suppose to be building my endurance, my stamina, and my speed. Let’s just say I failed horribly short of my ideal goal.

So event day, May 4th, Jereme and I woke up early, rubbed the sleep out of our eyes, tied up our shoe laces, pinned our numbers on our shirts, pulled our hair back into a pony tail, and with our Ipods sync with a play list that would keep us pumped… we were off to City Park. When Jereme-Ashlee and I got there I’m not sure either one of us were prepared for what we were seeing. Avid, runners! Everywhere. Professionals, you know the kind of people who own the gear, and use it. My gear generally sits in the closet collecting dust. So at this point, I’m a little nervous. I looked at Jereme’s face and I could tell she was thinking the same thing I was…what did we get ourselves into…these people are serious.

Well I soon realized I made a big mistake, two of them of to be exact. The first mistake was taking my phone with me. When I left the car I deliberately left everything locked in the trunk so I wouldn’t have to carry anything. But at the last second I grabbed my phone to make a quick call to my husband and I walked away from the car carrying it. The second mistake was actually a precaution, It was quite chilly out at 7:30 in the morning but I didn’t take into consideration that I would be running soon. I truly believe that these two items, my hoodie and my cell phone kept me from taking first place in the entire race.

So, Jereme and I walk to the starting line…there are women everywhere. I heard the announcer say “we are hoping to break the event record and have 1000 women participate this year”. There were so many runners there. It was nothing like I expected it to be. Jereme-Ashlee and I were close to the front of the starting line so when it was time to go we had to move, and move quickly because all of a sudden a mass of bodies were pressing forward and unless we wanted to get trampled on we better hustle. So off we went, runners are weeding themselves through the crowd of bodies and they are pushing forward. There is now a clear distinction between the real runners and the casual participants.

About 5 minutes in I am burning hot and I take off my hoodie and tie it around my waist and I look at my phone and think to myself…”why didn’t I put this back in the car? Who was I expecting a call from this early on a Sunday morning?” And from that point forward my hoodie and my phone were nothing but a bother. I wonder, if I didn’t have two items weighting me down would I have made better time at the end. Would I have finished sooner? Although these were physical weights and not much of a bother initially, they proved to be gruesome as I ran.

See its much like some of the things we keep ourselves attached to, they aren’t really sins but they slow us down. They take our focus off the goal or at least delay our focus as we are adjusting to the weight of them. We must be mindful of the things we are attached to as we run our spiritual race. There is no telling how they can pull our focus away or distract us from what we can be in God.

So…I’m not sure about you, but I remember running in school thinking if I can just keep up with the girl in front of me or the guy along side of me then I’ll do fine. But then you learn quickly that they are much faster than you so you pick another running partner to keep up with. Well that is exactly what I was doing. I thought if Jereme and I can keep the pace with this mother and daughter wearing the pink feather boa and the purple alien ball head bands, you know the kind that stick up like ears and bounce. Then we’ll be fine Well that didn’t work because they had to keep stopping to adjust their feathers. So I picked someone else, If I can keep up with the girl with the bright pink neon skirt and camouflage leggings and shirt. I’ll be good. That worked for about 100 feet until I realized that she had legs twice the length of mine and she was at least 6 feet tall. I was getting wiped already and I hadn’t even gone a mile. So I kept picking new goals trying to keep my pace up with the crowd. Jereme-Ashlee the whole time along side of me keeping up and occasionally bumping into me because she was looking at her Ipod or adjusting her hoodie. I soon realized with all the factors that I was faced with I couldn’t really keep up the pace and I found myself needing to walk.

In church we all at some point find ourselves comparing our walk with God with those that around us. We do one of two things….we think wow look at me. I got all my stuff together and that person over there can’t even keep one foot in front of the other. Look at this spiritual peak I have achieved. The second way we compare ourselves to others is by saying to ourselves, look at Sis…so-so, she has it all together, look at her prayer life, look at the way she praises God in the front of the church, look at the way she reaches souls. Why can’t I be like her, I am such a failure. Comparing ourselves to others can be very detrimental to our salvation. Even in our day to day lives. I heard something on the radio the other day about how we are in the constant struggle to be like someone else. Doing our best to fit in a mold that the world finds acceptable.

There are many challenges we face in our day to day lives and we often think “if I can just be good looking like that person, or thinner, or smarter, or more popular then my life will be better. If I just had money, or if I lived some place different, if my parents acted differently, if I went to that school. Well…The list can be endless; we can go on and on about “If I can just be better”. This same mentality floods us in church just as much as in school and in the work place. If I can just learn to sing like him, or if I can teach like her then ,my life would be better.It’s fine to look up to people and have mentors that will help you achieve higher successes but you must be careful that you don’t compare yourself to others. We all have our rightful place in the kingdom of God, and in the Body of Christ and the hand can’t compare its ability to the ability of the mouth. Along with that, thinking that you are better than someone else isn’t good either. Pride is not something we want to take along in our walks with God. It’s a sin, and laying down sins and weighs that easily beset us is something we need to remember to do on a daily basis. So getting back to my run…

The 2 mile point is crucial for me. I can run on a tread mill for 2 miles slowing when I need to take a breath but increasing speed a minute or two later. My threshold is 2 miles. For the past few months I have been working on getting past that exhaustion point the pain point and I have been successful quite a few times but each time it has come at a cost for me. My mind gets mad at my legs because they feel like lead, my sides are aching, my lungs are burning and my breaths are shallow. And I literally want to start crying. I get so mad and frustrated because I want to quit so bad but I will my self to go further. So now I found myself at this very spot running with almost 1000 other people and I can’t give up. So my mind is searching for a focal point something to set my eyes on so I can keep going. And the Word of the Lord came to me.
Its funny, when you hear preachers or saints say that. Or when you read it in the Bible you don’t think much of it until it happens to you and God starts speaking to your situation.

The first thing that came to me is out of Ecc 9:11… the race is not to the swift...Immediately revelation started to flow, nothing new that I am sure you haven’t heard before but it was the fuel I needed, it was a word to help my focus. As a runner in this race I was trying to focus my goals on keeping up with that lady or this lady and when I failed I felt like I wasn’t doing well.
And when an older lady or a less than fit person passed me up I thought to myself how can they run past me, I am in better shape than they are. But then there were also those times when I was passing up women who looked to be in better shape than I was. And they were struggling and barely making it. After getting this word from God my whole perspective started to change. My focus should be on the finish line from the beginning. Although I couldn’t see it I knew it was out there. I saw it when I drove up. I stood in the very spot when I was at the starting line.
But I soon forgot about it. All I could think about is what had I gotten myself into, and how I just needed to just get through this ordeal of pain and the shame that I wasn’t as good of a runner as I hoped to be.

But now with this Word of God in my mind, I was thinking about our Spiritual race. Solomon was talking about the race not being to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but time and chance happens to us all. My goal was to make it to that finish line and if I eventually had to crawl there then so be it. But I had to stop focusing on what other people were doing and how they were getting there. We all know the proverbial tale of the tortuous and hare. With diligence and consistency the tortuous made it to the finish line. Although the tortuous wasn’t as fast as the hare he made it. And as we all know the swiftness of the hare didn’t get him past the finish line at all.

Right about this point I saw on the ground a timing device that everyone had tied to their shoes.
This device is used to track your progress across the finish line. It’s probably a magnet or a chip of some kind that sends off a signal to the mats that are laid out at the finish line. Triggering the start time and finish time of each runner. Well, It had fallen off some woman’s shoe and I felt bad for her because when she got to that finish line she would never know her true results because the device that was keeping track of them had been left behind. God was talking again…how often do we leave valuable things behind that we are going to need when we get to the finish line. As far as that timing system was concerned she never even made it across.

We have to be careful that we don’t lay down the doctrines that were handed down to us. The foundations that were laid by the apostles. It is too easy to casually discard something of value if we don’t recognize the worth of it. Think of the countless stories we hear about people who threw away some old book or painting only to later discover it was worth millions. My heart breaks for people who lose their love for God, or their passion for God. or their fear of God…who make it across life’s finish line without the necessary equipment to get them to Glory.

Finally I could see the turn around point; it’s the place where you turn around in the road and start going to opposite direction from where you just came. I knew it was just ahead, women that were ahead of me were running towards me now, and they all had that look of the tiger in their eyes They just made it up the incline and now they were running down hill and they were quickly approaching the goal. The finish line was just about a half a mile way. And just like human nature would have it, I thought to myself I can just almost merge with them and start running with them. Taking this bend in the road as a short cut…completely bypassing the real turn around point. My legs, my sides, my lungs wanted to cut across so badly but my mind was in control and God was still speaking. If I took that short cut, I might get away with it. No one is going to pull me aside and disqualify me, (at least from what I could see) but I would have to live my days knowing the first athletic event I ever participated in I cheated. I took a short cut...Of course this has so many parallels in the spirit. We have opportunities to build up a spiritual reputation or relationship with God, the bible says we go from faith to faith.

But sometimes we think taking a quick route to success is a good idea…no one will know I didn’t pray or fast, or compromised here. Or lied here…But God knows and you know and you will have to live with that shame forever. Imagine if Jesus would have taken a short cut while redeeming us from a life full of sin. He could have bypassed the garden or the pain but where would we be?
Would that have appeased the price that Jesus needed to pay to cleanse us from all our iniquity?
Would sin, death, and hell be conquered? Would we have been made over comers if Jesus took a short cut? Then why do we think it’s an option for us? He gave His all for us. Shouldn’t we do the same for Him?

So I’m running up a hill, I’m beat and Jereme-Ashlee is beat but we keep going and finally the turn around point and now we can run down hill. I now look at the faces of the women running the opposite of me and I want to tell them, don’t give up its only a few more steps and you will be running down hill too. All that pain you are going through right now will soon be over. Phil 3:13 says Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. That hill that I just ran up had to be forgotten, the temptation to cut corners needed to be cast away. I had to set my eye on the goal and press with everything in me.

Now we are approaching the last leg of the race. The finish line is in sight and a new rush of enthusiasm floods in. And Jereme-Ashlee looks over and we slow down to a fast walk for a minute. I encourage her and tell her we are almost there and from this point forward no more stopping… the finish line is right over there. So we start off…there are a couple more bends in the path and as we are going I see a woman running back towards us…she makes it to a woman she appears to know and I watch as they interact…it is evident that this first lady she has already made it across the finish line. She starts talking to the second woman and I can see that she is encouraging her friend who isn’t in the best of shape. From my guess, more than likely they started off the race together but somewhere along the way the second woman wasn’t able to keep up and she got left behind. As I watched the interaction between these two women I thought I saw a new determination in the woman in front of me. Her friend came back to run the rest of the way with her …she was refreshed and I am sure she was thinking she was lucky she to have a friend who was concerned with her run. Music is blaring in my ears but God is speaking to my heart again. We need to be concerned with those running along side of us. We want to make sure that we encourage them and that we lead them towards the finish line. They are apart of the Body of Christ just like we are.

Galatians 6:1-2 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. The Message puts it this way…If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day's out...Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ's law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived. At some point in all of our lives we want to give up or we want to slow down and we could all use an encouraging word. A helping hand. Someone who will give us sound advice and encouragement to finish the race that is set before us all. Just because someone isn’t running as fast as we are doesn’t mean that they don’t have any intention on finishing the race. They can just be going through a season of weakness and they need our love and support. Not our ridicule that they made a mistake or they are weak so we can’t associate ourselves with them.

Galatians says if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual; restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Restore by saying to them, come along side with me. I’ll pray for you, I’ll help carry that load, I’ll restore you and help you get stronger. If you haven’t encountered a time in your life yet when you need a friend and you need restoration, I’m sure that at some point you will. We all make mistakes. Some big, some small. Some more visible than others and some that are completely hidden. So just remember just because someone failed doesn’t mean they are forgotten. They need our help.

Finally… The moment that finish line was in direct sight of my vision I gave it all I had. I ran harder and faster. Why? Well I wanted to give it all I had, one last big push to make the difference on my time and how I was spending it. In these last days the finish line is just ahead and the signs of the times are everywhere and they are telling us. “Pick up the pace, there is work that needs to be done and your time is crucial. Give this everything you got.”
There is so much work out there that needs to be done.

As a mother running with her daughter and with all this revelation flowing I reached my hand over to Jereme-Ashlee. How wonderful it would be to cross the finish line with her. I thought about the day that will come. When in a moment, in a twinkling of an eye we will all be changed and caught up together. It’s going to be wonderful to have my kids next to me. My loved ones, my family and my friends. Imagine just to be walking along and all of sudden you hear a trumpet sound. And your feet leave the ground. That is going to be amazing.

When we finally finished that race…immediately there was someone who was handing out medals of accomplishment and placing it on our necks and saying Good Job! It made me think of the day when we finish our spiritual race and we hear...well done thou good and faithful servant! I don’t know about you those words I long to hear. Then we like Paul can say…I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. There is going to come a day when all time stands still and we are before the one who redeemed us from all the junk we have done and all the cares of this life won’t matter anymore. Can you imagine what its going to be like?

Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And when you think that it’s impossible and you think you can’t continue on remember two things. The first being…that God is the author and the finisher of our faith. We didn’t come to him. He searched us out.. Yes, that means even if you were born into church. God told Jeremiah that he knew him in his mother’s womb. God started a relationship with you at Calvary and he will make sure that thing that he set out to do will be perfect and blameless someday. Not because we are so great and pure but because He is.

Philippians 1:6 says…Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Along with that…this is something that I find so encouraging Hebrews 11 says…“for the joy that was set before him endured the cross (the Him is Jesus) the joy is us. How amazing it to know that it’s my face, your face and the faces of countless others that Jesus considered worth dying for. He thought of the day that He will be with us. The Joy that was set before him. God has invested, and given so much to us. His love, his grace, his mercy…even his righteous judgment. . Romans 2:4 says…the goodness of God leads us to repentance. God is truly gracious and loving!

No Idea

2008-05-29T18:26:00.000-06:00

So with the shadow guidance of a couple friends I hesitantly post my first blog. I am completely unfamiliar with this new world of blogging so I anticipate a few bumps in the road but I'll work through them and see if I can come up with anything even remotely interesting to spill out to the unknown. I have to admit that I feel a bit naive when it comes to all of this. I would like to think of myself as being someone in the "know" but that has proven to be true...I'm light years behind a lot of stuff.
With that said I am going to put my best foot forward and see what becomes of it. The first item on my agenda to attend to will be my inconsistant typing skills. Wow, I can't count how many times I have already hit the back space button. Whoops!