I often equate the loose ends in my life that need to be dealt with to the luggage on my floor or the mess in my closet. Monday morning I woke up to my luggage on my floor and completely overwhelmed from the night before with the constant nagging reminder that there are still so many issues in my life that are yet to be resolved. Things that I keep putting off and others that I have no control over. So halfway through mid-morning I made a decision, a real decision. Not like the ones I wake up with every other day and passionately nurture for a few hours and the shelf. This time I left work got into my car and did what I've challenged myself to do for several months now.
I was very nervous. I thought I would find this sense of relief, some kind of reprieve from the constant pressure that surrounds me. After signing all the paperwork and then giving it Will I felt nothing. Null of feelings other than the recognition that I just made a giant powerful move, another life altering turn was just made.
Today I feel good about it. I feel hope that I can be a good parent and work with Will on getting the kids raised healthy and wholly. But ultimately I fear that I'll be alone cuddled on a couch with two yorkies.