Today I witnessed one of the most surreal moments of my life. I could have never guessed that my life would take a turn like this one. I am so guarded and so careful with things and yet I find myself wandering this road of uncertainty. My heart broke today with the weight of all that we face as a family. I wondered as I propped my limp body up against that doorway "Will I be able to even move from this spot. Can I keep my head propped up and my heart can I rip it from my chest cause this pain is too severe." I wasn't expecting any of that. My exterior armour failed me miserably. Now I sit here in the dark typing on in agony trying to reach for substance, something, someone out there with something more than this nicotine craving ravishing body insisting I give in to the nothingness it holds. Simply said I need the Love of God to nurture and heal me but I fear that what I am not, who I am, and what I do or fail to do will make his hand short as I back away in unworthiness to call upon a name.
Someday this will be nothing more than a light affliction compared to the Glory that I'll be engulfed in. Oh, what a day....Hope anchor me to the Author and Finisher of my faith who began a good work in me and who will see it through to the end.